GETTING MARRIED!!1!1!1!!

Minggu, 9 September 2018

This is one of the best day in my life. I never thought I would’ve got married this soon. He always ask me will I marry him? And it always end up me joking all the time. I thought that I was not ready to face this married life, I still wanted to enjoy  my own life, my own money and my own job. I also ask myself “why should I marry soon? I still enjoy my life” but for some reasons, I decided to accept his proposal because I thought “how can I know I’m not ready when I don’t even try it? What if I’m ready but I’m just scared to move forward?” He believe in me then why can’t I believe in myself? Then it happened. We did it! We proved it that we can make our own happiness. I never feel regret to get married this soon. I always pray to God for giving us happinees, joyfulness, no more sadness and if Allah believe in us, please give us our little angle soon because it will complete our family😘

Father

For some people he is supposed to be their hero or someone they can be proud of, but mine? I’m so sick to hide this thought alone but I think he didn’t do anything right to his family. I never feel my dad is my hero. I envy when my friends can be proud of something their dad doing, their father do anything to make his family happy and do their job to earn money so he can pay their family bill.

Actually it’s so hard to write it down, I’m writing this while crying and wish my dad can do anything better. Since I was kid, my dad quitted his job just because he earned so little money and he said to my mom that my mom’s fee can pay our bill and he shouldn’t find any jobs to pay ours. Really? I can’t even think there would be that kinda person like this.

If you love your family you should do anything to make them happy and I think he’s so selfish to make my mom does her job at work and at home in the same time. He always complain if our house is dirty and when his family can’t serve his well. I’m so sick about this, really? Do you think you’re such a good father for us? What have u done?

I still appreciate him as my father but he doesn’t get my pride.

My house is being renoved and he’s still doing  nothing, he just ask for something that we even feel tired to do because YEAH OUR HOUSE SO DIRTY CAN YOU PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS? He always call me and ask me to serve him while he just sit and lay down on bed. I always cry over this i don’t know why. I just wish my dad can do something like any dad else can do.

Can’t handle it alone

You might think that it’s too much but honestly, I feel fucked up right now. I already hide this feeling because I don’t want anyone knows about my dark feeling. Please if you think you know someone well, think it again. I already healed myself but you brought this up again. I feel worse, I feel I’m never be good enough to someone. I’m fat, I’m useless, I’m no worthy, you can find someone better than me easily. I’m crying alone thinking I’m lonely, useless and fat ass that don’t need anybody at 1 AM.

You might think that it’s just words but please for me, you don’t appreciate me. You can’t call me and ask me for something that hard to do then you judge me like you don’t have any flaw on you. Sorry, I can’t say these words to you because I still mind your feeling. At least, I want you to do so.