Kind of miss you

I know, I should've finished my lesson planning but I don't know why I can't keep up with that. It's been 13 days since you left but it's still so hard for me to get used to it. I miss how you making me laugh with your silly jokes, how you treating me when I'm sad and also when I need a shoulder to cry on :( I miss the moment when I bite your hand or even your shoulder but you never mad at me for doing that. However, I know this is the best for us. it will make us being more mature to face every problems alone and do not always depend on each other. It is also make our relationship getting stronger because this is our challenge to believe in our partner 100% with no doubt. I never regret for letting you away because I believe in you no matter what happen on us.








I just kind of miss you.............................much.

A Letter to You

Dear wildan,

It's been a while since I know you, still I think you're the best. We've been through some problems and we're standstill. Look! How strong we are to face any problems around us. I know this is the hardest step to take but I know it will be worthy. Just remember every sweet things that we do and leave what hurt us behind. I always count the day till you leave and this is the time to let you go, it's not easy for me, really. It's getting harder everyday. But I know you have the dreams that you have to reach and I will be your best supporter to encourage you to reach it. I know you can do it! You have to make your beloved ones proud of you. Do not disappoint them. 2 years waiting for you is easy as long as we always keep in touch and never cheat on. I know we can make it! Let's make it happen! Love you.

Your proud girlfriend,

Ica.

STAY

It's getting harder everyday to know you will leave me and go to Jambi. I can't even think what my life will be without you around. I can't say anything but stay.... please stay..........

*tbh I'm crying over this*

PLEASE STAY! :""""""(

thoughts about life

18th August 2016


I unintentionally browsed youtube website because I felt like I had less motivation in my life. I started to watch Gita Savitri's videos because she's now still studying in German, like.... how? I have to get the motivation from this girl. I just realized something that I had done nothing in my life. What have I done in this 3 years ago? I still feel the same as me in 3 years ago. nothing changes.

So, I listened how she could survive for about 5 years and how German changed her life. I saw her spirit on her video, like...... she can do this because she's strong, she can survive from the hard times. and anyone also can do this if they want. I found it in herself.

Now, I decided not to give up from everything that I've already taken. I have to deal with it and finish what I start. at least, I have to read more to increase my general knowledge. No more time for gossiping, no more time for thinking about others' views about me and also no more time for kepoing. It should be about me, my future. I can't be more success if I always think about others' life. Let theirs be theirs and mine be mine.

I know my english is way faaaar from perfect, I will be happy if someone could correct me from my mistake and also teach me how to good in English. I will try my best to practice more and more to increase my skill. If I don't want to change I have to face the pain of though life and I don't want it happen.

Happy 22nd birthday!

Happy birthday Ica, happy birthday Ica, happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday Ica!

That song above has been sung on 13th August 2016 in my birthday!!! yuhuuuu.

Oke gue bakal cerita ini pake bahasa indonesia aja karena gue pengen feel nya lebih dpt kalo pake bahasa indonesia wkwkwk (pdhl mah males)

gue bingung mau mulai darimana cerita...........

As you know gue punya temen dari smp yang bernama wmcn a.k.a wimacanik yeah I know everyone has been alay in their junior high school, right?

Jadi, gue sm tmn2 smp emg berencana buat pergi ke bandung ikut ngerayain wisudaannya ima. kita pergi kesana nebeng sm nyokapnya yg dulu jg guru kita di smp jadi yaa gak bakal kaku kaku amat lah yaa. kita berangkat jumat siang supaya pas sampe sana kita sempet jalan2 dulu sebentar. gue jg udah blg sm anak2 kalo gue gamau lama2 soalnya I'm broke af. bener2 se-gak-punya-duit itu loooh. sedih bgt ya mahasiswa tingkat akhir :"""( selain itu, wildan juga blg dia gabakal bs buat ksh surprise di bandung karena dia sibuk sm skirpsinya dan dia blg bakal ksh surprisenya abis gue balik. yaudah, gue mikir I'm not that childish to ask him go to bandung right? gue juga mikirnya nanti di bandung diksh surprise sm tmn2 smp ini ehehehe but...... the plan didn't go well......

temen smp gue ksh gue surprise di saat jam 21.00 tgl 12 agustus which is gue blm ultah dong??? yaa gue seneng sih diksh surprise di up normal pula tp gue cuma pgn diksh surprise pas jam 12 even itu cm tiup lilin :( seenggaknya di hari ultah gue walaupun wildan gabisa ksh surprise ke bandung, tmn2 gue ada dan bisa ksh surprise di hari h. tapi yaa yaudah lah, gue agak kecewa sih saat itu kyk mikirnya mereka cm mau menggugurkan kewajiban tradisi kita yaitu ksh surprise tiap tahun. gue betenya bener2 sepanjang hari karena gue mikir gue kan ultah di tgl 13 bkn di tgl 12 & 14!!! (yaa gue mikir wildan bakal ksh gue surprise di tgl 14) yaudah tuh gue makin pgn pulang dan gue emg gak punya uang jg buat jalan2 dulu disana. di tambah lagi kita agak sedikit kecewa sm sesuatu yg yaa gitu deh pokoknya. gue rasanya cm pgn pulang dan bobo dirumah nangis seharian huhuhuhu

(the early surprise for my birthday)

pas kita udah selesai ke wisudaan ima, kita memutuskan buat pulang jam 4an, karena mau ngapain lagi yakaan??? kita udah booking tiket, tapiiii dwi blgnya tiket buat 6 orang, gue bingung dong kok ada 6 wi? gue nanya lah begitu dan dia jago bgt blgnya maksudnya di travel kan bisanya ada 6 orang nah kita berempat jd ya bisa buat kita berempat, pokoknya gue gangerti gt deh tp karena gue lg bete gue iya iya aja (iyaaa!!! gue sebete itu sampe gamau tau apa2 lg) yaudah tuh akhirnya kita dijemput sm tezar buat anterin kita ke travelnya. gue agak curiga sih ini nungguin siapa lagi coba pake tlp2 gt tp ya karena gue bete bgt jd bodo amat gt.

sampe akhirnya kita jalan dan berhenti di pom bensin, gue melihat ada sesosok yg tak asing dimata wkwkwk yaitu si peri peri kecil a.k.a wildan!!! gue bener2 gak nyangka bgt sih dia bakal dtg soalnya gue tau dia sibuk skripsian bgt. tapi karena gue betenya udah bener2 bete, seneng gue ketutup sm betenya :"""( maaf y wildan. trs ternyata ada putri jg!!! ada abdalla & kak wahyu bagus!!! gue gak nyangka bgt deh pokoknya bener2 gak nyangka. gue antara gak enak jg sm tmn2 smp gue karena gue maksa bgt pgn cpt pulang yg berujung mereka harus pulang cepet dan wildan yg baru dtg dari bandung hrs balik lg ke jkt :"""( maafkan aku teman2 dan wildan......

(wildan came up at gas station for surprising me!!)

gila ya gue se gak nyangka itu loh wildan bakalan dtg trus ksh surprise. pgn gue cubit sm gigit aja nih orang!!! gemes bet weeey!!! wkwkwk trs ya seperti yg gue duga dia bawa bunga, karikatur, sepatu dan tas yang emg udah gue tau (yaiyalah org dia yg nyuruh gue milih) wkwkw

pas sampe rumah gue sm wildan lgsg foto2 ucul karena kita emg gak sempet foto itu jg difotoin sm mama wkwk trus bunganya diksh perfume nya wildan yg emg gue suka wanginya!!! tiap hari kerjaan gue cuma ciumin bunganya kalo lg kangen wkwk wildan tau bgt sih ih. pokoknya kalo abis cium bunga itu lgsg seneng deh wkwkw

(yak itu lah gambaran kesenangan gue)

Intinya, I'm really thankful for everyone that come to my life and love me just the way I am. bener bener bersyukur bgt punya temen yang sayang sm gue dan pacar yg imut emesh ucul yg always treat me like a princess wkwkw pokoknya love you all with all of my heart, muah!!!

I wish he knew it

One day, there was a boy knowing all of my heart-breaking story. In that time, he said and promised me not to do the same thing and would protect my heart from heart breaking. I was not sure at that time but he convinced me to believe. Unconsciously, I started to believe it.


But, he never realized that he actually did the same thing as others, he broke my heart. He did the same. I won't blame him for what he has done, I won't.

I just realize something. I shouldn't have expected too high. I should have loved him unconditionally even he hurt my feeling and accepted the consequent that he could hurt my feeling whenever he wanted it.

I didn't regret for everything that I've done to him, never.

I just want him to know that I wish he would be the same person as I knew from the first time, not like this. I love him without any desire to change him and I wish he knew it.

Him

I will tell you about him in short: he's like no body else. Yeah for now, I think he's the best gift that I ever have! I won't ask God for more because I have everything. I know, it sounds cheesy but no one ever treat me like he does.

I never found someone that would fall for me that hard. I know he just wants to make me happy and I am. I really am. Being with him, I can forget my problems, my past and anything bad. I'm just being happy whenever I'm with him, literally. You do it right babe!

I'm sorry that I ever take him for granted, I'm so sorry, whenever I think about it I always blame myself, always. I know sorry means nothing when someone's heart is broken but if I have a word beyond sorry, I would give it to him with all of my regret feeling. Can he see that? Can he see how my heart being hurt when he's hurt? I hope he knows it :(


I love him. I love him with all of his flaws, I love the way he tells (so-not-funny) things, I love the way he gives his jacket whenever he drives me home, I love to see he cares about me and takes me first before him (I know he shouldn't do that!), I love the way he comes to my home and takes me to hospital even when he had lack of sleep (you know I always worry about your sleeping time), I love the way he worries about my ill, I love the way he reminds me about my study (I'm sorry I can't make you proud), I love the way he introduces me in front of his friends, I really love the way when he takes me & drives me home even when he has to face the heavy rain (but I really hate you not to listen to me when I said you should stay!). I love everything inside him! I never think to change him even a little, I love just the way he is. I love his imperfection. Those makes him perfect in my eyes. I also never fall for someone that hard. I never do that, believe me.


Now, I just want him to know, being with him is all that I need and I'm so grateful for that.

A.M.

Oh ghost! I can't say anything right now. I just want to lay in my bed, listen to sad songs and cry all night long :""""(

I just want to say thank you for my bf for always be there even if I can't do my best to make him happy. I just make him feeling bad :( unhappy :( just because of me :(


I'm sorry, I really am. I don't mean to make you feeling suck :(


I just want us to tell everything literally everything. I don't care if the story that you share is a silly or unimportant thing, as long as you share it with me, I will feel it is important. I just love to listen your "enthusiastic" voice. I love your voice, love your expression whatever your mood in, love your personality, love all everything that you have. I hope you do the same as me.



Look! Even when my mood really bad I could tell everything about him happily. I don't know why, it really changes my mood whenever I tell about him. I just want him to know I'm so grateful to have such a boyfriend like him. I don't want him to change :(

Random thoughts.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO TELL WHAT IS ON MY MIND

I CAN'T WRITE IT DOWN WHILE MY MIND IS FULL OF RANDOM THOUGHTS.

I WILL NOT BE THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE, I ALWAYS WANT MORE, MORE AND MORE. 

I ALWAYS BLAME MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING WENT WRONG AND NEVER LEARN FROM IT.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO WRITE IN ENGLISH WHILE YOU SHOULD DO YOUR SKRIPSI SOON.

GOD, PLEASE GIVE ME THE MIRACLE TO PASS THIS SH*T AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

I JUST WANT TO MAKE MY PARENTS HAPPY TO SEE ME WEAR MY OWN TOGA.

GIVE ME MOTIVATION TO PASS THIS. PLEASE.

Dufan!

On Monday, 28th March 2016.

I told him that I wanted to go to Dufan but he resisted me first. He really cares about my healthy yet what I really concern only about how to have fun lol with my so-hard-to-deny look, he agreed to accompany me to Dufan (yeah I knew he would go too). I didn't expect he would contact my mother to ask her permission and yeah my mother absolutely allowed me to go despite with any conditions.

In the morning, he parked his motorcycle at my house because he thought it would be easy if we went to Dufan by transjakarta (I know he was wrong totally wrong). yeah you know I was right, he felt so tired because he was standing during the road. Then, we went in directly after we arrived but we felt so tired like *wtf we're adult now we are so easy to feel tired* lol we spent approximately one or two hours just for sitting and talking about silly things. Tbh, I like when we shared about everything literally everything. I can tell anything with him. Then, we had our lunch together.

After having lunch, we decided to pray before we take some rides. I actually forgot what the first ride we took but I thought it was istana boneka? because yeah you know I can't take extreme or challenging ride because of my sickness. I did a loooooooot of fun!!! I really enjoy the vibe of being with him. I feel comfortable every time with him. I don't know why.

We recorded our activity and took some photos there. I was happy at that time, really. Oh gosh, I wish we could turn back time and do some fun again and again!!!!!

I will upload some photos when we were there. I hope we can have some adventure again and makes some memories, yeay.

(When we were confused what the first ride we took, we took a selfie instead)

(we met his friend and captured some photos in front of histeria ride)

(We didn't know what we should do so took a selfie was the best solution)

(we're at Istana boneka aaaaand don't forget to take a selfie!)

(Having lunch and talking about everything is the best part!!)

My life has been fulfilled by him

I don't know which part I should tell, I don't know how to start this story but let me tell this story briefly.

I knew him on the platform (which-I-could-not-tell-you-what-it-is), it was really surprising that he could be meant so much to me.

I don't know if it could bring us to this part, I don't know if he can love me like nobody can do, I don't know if he can be so important to me. He can bring my happiness without make me feel insecure about myself, he can be just the way he is, he can understand about my weirdness, he can be that patient to face my anger. I don't know if he feels the same way like I do but I know I never regret to love him, never regret to give my best to him and I think he will do the same (as I wish).

love u, W.